I'm going to write what I feel, I don't care what anyone thinks, including all my workmates, I don't fucking care anymore. You all probably laugh cuz I'm fucked up, yes fucked up. It's not like anyone fucking cares about me.
I don't know what to do... Ok, you all may know I'm ill.. this is because I'm making myself ill. Yes, all the stress/depression is making me ill, and I should really calm myself down but I can't. There's one thing on my mind which is really torturing me. It's killing me.
I miss my baby Jessica. You won't understand, Jessica is my one and only baby. She was the world to me and Scotty, but she's gone... My Jessica, all gone. Me and Scotty still feel as if she's still here with us, but our hearts are now empty.
Last night, I layed in bed thinking to myself. I saw Jessica. I was holding her close, she was crying. Scotty was sat next to me, holding me. I wish this was true, but it's all gone. I want my little baby Jess back! Me and Scotty would have made good parents to her, oh god I miss her so much. What a happy little family we would have made.
Another thing on my mind is marriage... I really want to marry Scotty, but I'm scared. I'm scared and confused about everything. I don't know what to do, I think I'm scared of making big commitments. He keeps asking me to marry him, and I say yes. But deep down I'm scared. I don't know.
I'm completely fucked up, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared of losing Scotty, I'm scared of marriage and being a mum. Why do I feel like this? I love Scotty with all my heart and soul, and I don't want to lose him or even hurt him. I really need him right now. I need his soft touch, holding me close, telling me everything's okay. I keep thinking of the week I was with him, laying next to him, running my fingers down his face. I never wanted that moment to end.. but it did. I want to go back, and be with him forever.
God help me please.
You all can comment if you want... I doubt anyone can help me.